I sat up late again last night. My sleep has been up the left since the black dog caught hold of me. I sleep when I should be awake and vice versa. Most times I don’t want to wake up.
I played some Thief then lay in bed listening to Radio 3. It’s my new favourite radio station. I’ve discovered that I’m not so keen on some Mendelssohn but I find Bach more my liking.
Symphonies are like albums in a way. They go on for ages and cover many moods and ideas.
One thing I’ve found is that I can read when listening to classical music, unlike modern, lyric and beat driven music. I find that distracting.
I haven’t read in about a month. I haven’t wanted to do anything really. I’ve just filled my face with TV which like all junk food has left me feeling even more empty, but since receiving a DAB radio from my beloved for Christmas I’ve had the radio on every night, gently lulling me through the wee small hours.
I picked up The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick.
It’s a monster of a book which I got for £7 as it had been a display item. It looked brand new when I received it in the post at the start of the year. It contains all his ramblings after he was hit by a beam of pink light and transported to Ancient Rome. He had a set of major visions round March 1974 which turned his life upside down and this book of his ponderings on these events is vast, deep, confusing and enlightening.
It’s not an easy book to read mainly because it weighs so much. I like to read on my side but this demands that I sit up and use both hands.
One of his thoughts that I felt akin with was that we are caught in a loop of reality. This is how I feel. Nothing different seems to happen; it’s the same thing over and over with slight differences. Life for me feels like watching reruns of Red Dwarf. I love Red Dwarf and it’s warm and comforting but I’ve seen them all before time and time again. I want a new experience outside the laws of this universe.
I find being human very difficult, this world of human affairs is dry and full of lies.
Robert Monroe in his book Ultimate Journey talks about traveling to the place which he felt was home.
In this place he was a cloud-like being and loved to watch the play of younger cloud-entities, remembering his own youth there playing the same innocent games, but after lying enjoying the bliss he started to notice a pattern to it all and how this pattern kept repeating itself. He became bored and decided he’d outgrown this existence.
That’s how I feel about this reality.
I woke up from a dream to write this. Like all dreams it was interesting to me but I’m sure to you dear reader it would be very dull so I won’t bore you with the intimate details. I will tell you that it was rich and imbued with symbols. At the end of the dream (when do they really ‘end’?) I came up with a tagline for myself which was -Cut Them Loose. This then became the album name for a new band called The Riding Stars. I checked the name on google and it seems to be available. When I see the album online I’ll be in touch.