Word Up

What is up?
I drove many miles today.
I drove through rain, lakes and mountains.  I drove through Ireland.
I live upon an island. Seas border each corner.
There are no ‘right angles’ only angles.
Let’s do it.
Be us.
Drink deep.
Breathe in.
Let rip.


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Here’s Lookin’ At you Kid!

Photo on 2015-11-24 at 01.14

I’ve been thinking a lot about love; thinking til my brain won’t function.
Dippin into above. Dipping it in til my mind goes out to lunch.


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The Second-hand Girl

Everything has been given to me, passed on, donated. I am the one who never has enough money or a proper job. All things I attempt fail. My ‘talents’ are wasted. I bow to the government and tug my forelock in obeisance to humans who are better than me. They have jobs and own property and have social standing. They understand the game of this mass hallucination of human life. They achieve and succeed. They take no shit and walk tall. I fail and cry in a heap.
I’m totally crap at this human game.

Today I woke up in a better mood only to have the blues compounded again by a bill for my first car at the age of 42 equaling the same price as the car itself. My mum who was given a year to live bought me the car so I could travel up and down to see her. The freedom the car gave me was infectious to begin with but now it gives me fear.  When the noise from the rear brakes started I was 200 miles from home and I froze in fear. I’ve never been scared of death in my life ever but recently it feels like my life is a sad parody of Final Destination.  Fear is stalking me. Carlos Castaneda wrote that death stalks us on our left hand side. For me it seems to have been stalking me on the right rear wheel.
I’ve been comparing myself to others recently too and finding myself coming up short.
I have empathy and compassion but I am so rubbish at the human game.
I’ve been trying to set myself up as a self-employed Sound Therapist but even the alternative therapy route is competitive and I am so not competitive. I suck at pushing myself in people’s faces. I suck at using the terminology and talking the made up lingo.
Each day is a battle to dredge through. I have no purpose. I feel like a bad joke.

Brosh1I don’t want to become dead as in non-existent. I want out of this existence into another where I totally rock it. I think I’m a natural in other realms.

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Top Tips for Hangovers updated

Immediately eat mashed potato ( they now sell this in most corner shops). Add mayonnaise. Follow with hot tea. Doze.

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Out Of Body via a Dream

This is transcribed from my journal. 24/05/15  02:06

I had an interesting out of body last night via a dream.
Dreaming about housing- rooms, many bathrooms and bedrooms – student accommodation – multiple dwelling and I came into a twilight lit bedroom with Adam in a double bed and I felt my body slip down through the floor and I knew I was in out of body state and I became fully aware – full sensations. No fear.
I willed myself to Adam and I floated up above the bed and went up – up, and for a moment I remembered my last conscious exit when I went through into the attic (in my actual house in full conscious out of body awareness) and how that had scared me, but this time I overcame it and pushed myself to go up and up beyond the Earth. I could feel myself going very very fast but I couldn’t see very much. No Earth, no stars, no blackness of space but I could see movement, fast movement, like a vortex.Saturn_north_polar_vortex_2012-11-27

I remembered to call for light ( Robert Bruce says to do this). I did this using my voice which I had just used to go higher.
Hearing my voice surprised me- its frequency so clear – I commanded LIGHT! but it just got a little less dark and I saw swirling, fast moving grey and white and dark and was a little disappointed thinking I was going to see amazing structures in space.

The swirling grey was very like the place I went to in the dream ( https://therealshanokee.wordpress.com/2014/06/12/dying-in-a-dream/ )where the car I was in smashed into the side of a house and I was conscious that I was in that other place of grey and black swirling.
That feeling of visceral speed and elation was fabulous.

It’s great how I’m advancing with this. I’ve gotten further consciously than I’ve ever been before and I’ve conquered the fear.
When I was 16 I found a book in Coleraine library by Robert Monroe called ‘Journeys Out of the Body’ and he talked about the fear being the greatest obstacle.

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Fear Is The Mindkiller

‘Fear is the mindkiller.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will allow it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me, I will turn to
see fear’s path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.’

Dune by Frank Herbert

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