It’s amazing what a year does.. It’s all about perspective.
Over the past few days I have been thinking a lot about love, thinking til my brain won’t funtion. Dip in to the above. Dippin’ it in til my mind goes goes out to lunch.
That’s not totally true; my mind and my heart keep beating though, they keep speaking to me telling me to stop this silly game that I am playing with myself. I am more than what I do. We all are. You are too. You are amazing.
Yet I cannot stop the music. I can’t.
I was born strange.
My parents thought I was strange.
I must have been about 9 when the entity came into my room. I’d always heard voices in bed at night. It scared me senseless. I would lie there battling the urge to scream while I heard my name being called gently in my ear then gradually it would get louder and faster, like they were intentionally trying to terrify me, to mock me. Nearly every night was a battleground to maintain my sanity. I was so young. I knew I was different.
It was summer, I remember. The hall light was on and my bedroom door was open as I couldn’t sleep with it closed due to night terrors. My parents must have been downstairs watching tv.
I was facing the wall in my little single bed in my little tiny room and I heard a wind and a flapping of my curtains which I remember finding strange at the time as I’m fairly sure that it was a still night and I’m also fairly sure that the little window was closed.
The sound of the wind brought me from slumber to full alertness. I was hyper sensitive.
I felt a gentle tugging at my bed clothes and I knew that this was not something that should be in my room with my parents downstairs oblivious. There was a heightened sense of strangeness but also a readiness like I had been primed and prepared for this.
I turned around slowly in my little bed to face away from the wall and I saw what I took to be a ‘male’ glowing lime green entity at the side of my bed. The substance of it’s body was made up of tiny points of bright green light. The light looked organic yet ephemeral and I could see through ‘his’ body to my dressing table behind. At this point I only saw the middle section of the body. Some how he communicated to me in my mind without words not to look at his face, so I didn’t but then it all escalated and the entity was right up beside my pillow and I could see yellow glowing see-through hands reaching out towards me. Funnily to me it looked like he was wearing Marigolds, the latex gloves people would use for washing dishes to protect their hands. Bright glowing yellow. He was reaching out with both hands and it looked sinister, like he was going to strangle me, but I’m not sure that it was meant that way and at that point I called out in my mind to please go away, that I was only young and that ‘it’ was terrifying me and that I was going to turn around in my little bed and put the covers over my head and that ‘he’ was going to please leave me because I wasn’t ready for this.
So that’s exactly what I did and I listened and heard the same strange wind and the flapping of the curtains again and then I think I must have been in shock yet still in a very calm state and I must have gone to sleep.
My mother told me years later that when she was about 11 that she had been sent to bed early for misbehaving and that when she was awake in her bedroom a small black gnome like creature came down the chimney, out of the fire place, across the room towards her with it’s finger pointed up towards the centre of her forehead. She says she then ran screaming from the room down to my granny who poo-pooed her story as an excuse to come downstairs. She told me that it was as real as anything, that she was definitely not asleep and that it was terrifying.
For all of these years since then I have wondered what my lime green glowing entity was and why he came to me. Was he an inter-dimensional traveller? Was he a future me coming through on a frequency?
I know that he communicated to me and I know that I stayed completely calm, like it was something that in some way I had been primed for. I’ve toyed with the idea of having hypnotic regression to try and remember more from that night. Was I taken somewhere?
It has affected me deeply in life and I have been visited by other completely different entities since then.
I’ve looked up lime green glowing entities online and could only find one reference on a random ufo/alien visitation log page. It didn’t give any information so I am putting mine out there to hopefully find someone who has perhaps met something similar that may be able to shed some light on who this entity is and what the purpose of my experience was.
I’ve always been a sensitive. I can see auras, I can feel time paths. My life interest is consciousness expansion. I travel when I sleep. This reality is but a dream. All dimensions are here.
When do you know that you’re insane? They say that if you are asking the question then you’re not. I’m not so sure.
My grip on everything is loosening like a particularly slow bowel that has had a shot of caffeine.
Everything. My relationships. My non-existent ‘career’. My outlook. My input.
The only place I feel at home is in dream. Everywhere else I am lost, one foot in this world and one spoon in t’other. Striding like a lumberjack with polio.
I asked my friend, ‘Do you ever think you might actually be insane?’ meaning me. She said, ‘Everyone feels like that.’
If everyone feels like that then we’re all living in a sham cos we’re all nuts. Every interaction, every conversation, purchase, blog post, wave, smile, frown, tear.
I’ve never truly wondered if I may be losing my sanity. Not properly. I’ve thought I’d lost it slightly through chemicals but it always returned after a sleep. Sleep won’t work for this though but gives me solace.
I was on the beach a couple of days back-I have to think as I’m losing days-and the water, the feel of the sand, the awkwardness at being exposed in public and the bleaching of the sun while listening to a friend talk about their fantastic, active, driven life full of plans and ambition, I felt more in common with a big boat spewing out smoke like a cloud on the horizon.
A sense of self, of purpose. A need to wake up and walk through the world without fear, with connection. All these elude me. I had purpose in music but my lack of ability and armour to function in the industry just led me to depression and so much aching pain.
I feel like the figure in the 2 of swords. Blocked, stuck, frightened. None shall pass. The moon is out during the day. Madness. Days and nights mixed up.
Are we hurtling towards the end? Am I sensing my own? I find no meaning in anything and I feel myself slipping. The abyss that I entered in a dream of dying felt so calm, a place to relax and just be, somewhere that this human existence doesn’t seem to offer.
Is this just another phase to ride out like a leaden-down knight upon a dinosaur? One phase dovetails neatly into the next. Is this the downward slope to the end?
Remember when you were young and the whole terrifying world was surprising? Where novelty was a thing?
I remember the first time I saw my aura. It blew my mind. Organic across my hand and I could make it grow from my fingertips. I watched a plant in my bedroom making love to itself, sparkling, fizzing and zinging.
My dreams are becoming more cosmic lately. The earth spinning in a cosmic sky of extremes through slats in a venetian blind. That’s how I’m living my life. Watching the wonder behind a blind.
I met my good friend Hilary yesterday and she lent me a piece of shungite.
I am a natural sponge. I absorb energy from all around me and especially other’s emotions. Like a receiver I register it all and it affects me. I find it hard to be in public with a lot of people. It throws me, knocks me off kilter and makes me want to run away to my quiet sanctuary. Recently I’ve been blown wide open and have been affected detrimentally by this barrage of other people’s energies. Walking through town or even to the shop has made me feel like I am going insane. People invading my personal space in queues or bumping into me walking down the street has made me feel like going postal. I have wanted to scream at them to leave me alone. I’ve felt a bit like Michael Douglas in Falling Down except without the guns and racism.
Hilary said it sounded like I had no psychic skin and that’s why she lent me the shungite. Shungite helps protect against electro-magnetic frequencies. My energy shield has been down for some time and I’ve been zapped with everything but just reading up on shungite and carrying it in my pocket and meditating on its black nullifying protective properties has tuned me in to my own energy bubble. I noticed a difference walking down the street. I just say, ‘Bubble up Penny,’ in my head and visualise my energy field expanding out like blowing up a sheeps bladder, strong and impervious to harm with a powerful, durable skin over the top of it and there is a noticeable difference in how I feel.
Everything is energetic so we must protect ourselves energetically. It is imperative for me to function in normal society without feeling like running for the hills. You can also protect yourself with fire. I imagine a circle of energy fire upon a grass ‘field’ and then I spin it 360 degrees around my body to help invigorate and protect my energy field. I have heard that purple fire is even more powerful. Purple coming from the third eye makes sense to me.
The simpler the technique the faster my mind puts it into action and, ‘Bubble up!’ works like a dream for me.
My energy bubble is like my own spaceship and strengthening it is so important. I am still open but only those energies that are beneficial to my own energy system must be allowed through and into my core. We all must protect ourselves.
Old documentary from 1976. Has some cool UFO pics including one taken by an astronaut onboard Skylab.